sheafrotherdon: (Default)
sheafrotherdon ([personal profile] sheafrotherdon) wrote on May 4th, 2017 at 07:25 am
This week has been a doozy, mainly down to an all-hands meeting on Monday where someone I considered a friend chose not to support a project I've been working on for four years, and denounced it in the most cutting and lengthy fashion in front of everyone. Others then piled on. It was very upsetting.

That's the short version. The more important thing is that I spent time talking to Jan about it yesterday, because it's upset me so much, and had such an impact on the way I think about work. I've lost my motivation, I struggle to get up in a morning, I have trouble concentrating when I'm in the office, etc.

She suggested two things. First, that when people give you new information about who they are you believe them. That's not judgmental, it's just a very dispassionate assessment of the situation. "I did not know that about you before. Now I do. I'm going to believe you when you show me that's part of you." We get to redraw boundaries as a consequence. Second, she suggested I think of this like a break up. It's hard to end relationships - any relationship - but if I think of it like a break up, I can simply recognize we're not good for each other any more, and act in recognition of that fact. Like in a break up, it should be a clean break - none of this 'we can still be friends' business (because it never works). And like a break up, I should expect that I'm going to feel sad and bruised about all of this for a while.

It hasn't magically healed things to think that way, but that framing is so, so helpful to me. We did EMDR on the whole situation, too, and I realized that the people involved have been showing me who they are for a while, but I've been making excuses for them. That's behavior in myself that I want to change - that mindset has gotten me into trouble in the past - so it's to the good to be doing this.

And then today is the day when my employer cancels everything as a surprise and we all get the day off. It could not be better timed! I have a whole day stretching out ahead of me with nothing in it yet, and I can cook and bake and clean and make art and see friends, and oh, what a lovely thing. Just two more weeks and my spring crunch time is over and I can settle into the easier days of summer.

. . . and Bonnie Tyler's 'holding out for a hero' just started playing in my head. New anthem?
 
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